Ramanujan Redux

Boy, we always want to succeed on a date don’t we? That’s the only way to impress the opposite sex. Otherwise we’d all just hang out with our bros getting drunk and high together. Yeah, that sounds great

“1. Don’t take a shower. Hell, don’t take a shower from the time you schedule a date to the time you go out on the date. If you can make your essence smell more distinctive than the chick’s perfume, you know you’re doing it very very right.

2a If it’s a first date and she seems like a modest girl, wear an expensive suit. Preferrably the color neon red. Something that makes you look like you belong at the Flamingo Club picking up transvestites. If you take her to a fancy restaurant, wear short shorts.

2b. If you are a girl, wear something you’d only wear if you were trying to spite your parents. If you’re uncomfortable being so immodest, dress up as a nun.

3a. Do not flirt. Just sit there and nod or shake your head when he or she asks you questions. But if you feel the need to speak, talk about the weather. By all means, talk about the weather. Whenever you say the word cirrus clouds, start panting as if Scarlett Johansson was dirty-talking you under the table.
3b. If she happens to be a meteorologist, talk about your firm support for global warming because of how much you want to eat the drowned carcasses of polar bears. She will probably get mad at you for the global warming.”

Wrote the rest at my Squidoo account (something I’m trying out; I’m trying a lot of things out these days). Check it out and mock it please.